Obama Jokes By Comedians Here, you'll find a sampling of Obama jokes by comedians, ranging from famous (e.g., the late-night TV guys) to obscure (who may become less obscure when they are featured here). We plan to update this page often with fresh material — but only if the jokes are good! From "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," June 7, 2010:
Today, President Obama spoke at
Kalamazoo's Central High School graduation
ceremony in Michigan. He told the students they
could be anything they want to be, but if they
could be oil leak experts, that would be
great.
From "Jimmy Kimmel Live," April 19, 2010:
President Obama said he hopes the volcano
will stop smoking soon, and the volcano said the
same thing about
him.
From "The Late Show with David Letterman," April 2, 2010:
President Obama filled out his census. I
felt bad for the guy. Like he needs another
reminder that he lives with his
mother-in-law.
From "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," March 10, 2010:
Earlier today, the president of Haiti was
at the White House to meet with President Obama.
He said the people of his country need jobs, they
need places to live, and they need health care.
And then the president of Haiti
spoke.
From "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," March 5, 2010:
Just two days after being told by his
doctors to cut down on his cholesterol, President
Obama visited a restaurant in Savannah, Georgia,
where he ate a meal which included fried chicken,
sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, cream corn,
biscuits, corn bread, barbecue pork, and
blueberry pudding. That's why he's in favor of
healthcare. He's going to need
it.
From "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," February 5, 2010:
On the "Today" show this morning,
Michelle Obama said she likes having her mother
live at the White House because she helps take
care of Sasha and Malia. And Barack Obama said he
likes having his mother-in-law living at the
White House because he has to say
that.
From "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," December 18, 2009:
On Fox News yesterday, White House senior
advisor David Axelrod said that President Obama
hasn't given up on achieving something valuable
in Copenhagen [at the U.N. Climate Change
Conference]. In one year, we've gone from "Yes we
can" to "We haven't totally given
up."
From "Jimmy Kimmel Live," December 17, 2009:
It's hard to believe there's only two
weeks left in 2009. President Obama is already
said to be hard at work on his New Year's
resolutions. His plan for 2010 is to do all the
things he said he was going to do
this year.
From "The Jay Leno Show," December 3, 2009:
I'm trying to sum up President Obama's
first eleven months in office. He gave billions
to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal
immigrants getting health care, and he's sending
30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. You know
something? He may go down in history as our
greatest Republican president
ever.
From "The Jay Leno Show," November 12, 2009:
President Obama's approval rating is down
to 46 percent. That means 54 percent of the
people do not approve of the job he's doing,
which I think is totally unfair. We should at
least wait until he actually does
something.
From "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," October 15, 2009:
One of the top-selling costumes this
Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama
called Barackula. Not so popular: Congressman
Barney
Frankenstein.
From "The Jay Leno Show," October 14, 2009:
The Fox News White House correspondent, a
man named Major Garrett, has the swine flu.
President Obama has ordered Fox News quarantined
for up to five years — as long as it
takes!
From "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," October 12, 2009:
Earlier today, the Nobel Prize for
Economics was awarded to a woman for the first
time ever. So congratulations, Michelle
Obama.
From "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," October 12, 2009:
Yesterday morning, Pope Benedict named
five new saints to the Catholic Church, though
some are questioning whether Obama really
deserved
it.
From "The Jay Leno Show," October 8, 2009:
The big question now, with the troops in
Afghanistan, is how soon can we expect a decision
from President Obama on this troop thing? We've
been waiting, but I don't think it's going to
happen any time soon. Remember, it took him five
months to decide on a
puppy.
From "The Jay Leno Show," October 8, 2009:
Here is an example of how quickly things
can turn around. According to a recent poll,
President Obama's approval rating in California
has dropped. In fact, among Hollywood
celebrities, it is now down to just 99
percent.
From "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," September 5, 2009:
Next Tuesday, President Obama plans to
make a televised speech to the nation's students
during school hours. Many Republicans are
planning to keep their kids home from school in
protest. As a result, those kids have voted Obama
"Best President
Ever."
From "The Late Show with David Letterman," August 26, 2009:
The Obamas are taking a vacation on
Martha's Vineyard. ... And people on Martha's
Vineyard are going crazy and they're buying Obama
t-shirts, they're buying Obama mugs, they're
buying Obama caps. The only thing they're not
buying is
Obama'
s health-care
plan.
From "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," August 5, 2009:
I
want to say happy birthday today to
Barack Obama. The president just turned 48 years
old — if he was ever really born, that is. ...
But Obama's birthday is a reminder of why health
care is so important. As you probably know, due
to a lack of health care coverage, Obama's mother
was turned away from a number of hospitals and
was ultimately forced to give birth in a
manger.
From "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," July 31, 2009: Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that — every week since Obama was elected, he's been on the cover of Black President Magazine.
From "The Late Show with David
Letterman,"
July 24, 2009:
Anybody see President Obama's press
conference last night on television about the health
plan? Here's the deal: it will cost a trillion
dollars, but that will be in three easy payments of
$330 billion a month, so it's not that
bad.
From "The Late Show with David
Letterman,"
June 24, 2009:
President Obama, this guy takes everything
seriously. He's very upset about what's going on in
Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that
he's going to stop smoking
Camels.
From "The Late Show with David Letterman," June 22, 2009:
President Barack Obama’s approval rating of
61%, which I thought was staggeringly high, has now
dropped to 56%. So don’t kid yourselves. Hillary
could still win this
thing.
From "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," April 2, 2009:
So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember
when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here,
the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like
they're saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the
Pope.
From "The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno," March 27,
2009:
President Obama has announced a task
force to review the tax code. He’s concerned
there are too many loopholes and too many people
manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes.
And that’s just in his
administration.
From "The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno," March 20,
2009:
People think it's amazing that the
President would take time to leave Washington,
D.C., and fly 3,000 miles to come to California.
But that happens to a lot of guys when their
mother-in-law moves in with
them.
From "The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno," March 6,
2009:
President Obama got some good news today.
It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have
been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets
a finder's fee from the
IRS.
From "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," March 2, 2009:
The Obamas are expecting the arrival of
the First Dog in April. Actually, it's Obama's
second choice of a dog. The first dog, he had
some tax
problems.
From "The Tonight Show with
Jay Leno," February 9,
2009:
President Obama took his first
foreign trip as president today up to Canada.
He met with the prime minister to discuss one
of the greatest threats facing our nation
today — Canadian
geese.
From "The
Tonight Show with Jay Leno," January 21,
2009:
Barack Obama said his first move as
President will be to pardon Aretha Franklin's
hat.
From "The Late Show with
David Letterman," December 17,
2008:
I
like this time of year. Everybody looks
forward to Time magazine naming its
"Person of the Year," and today they named Barack
Obama "Person of the Year." ... Finally, things
are starting to go his
way!
From Amy
Poehler on "Saturday Night Live," December 13,
2008:
Prosecutors said Tuesday that there
is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in
the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported
it, "Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich
scandal?"
From "The Late Show with David
Letterman," December 8,
2008:
He's come up with a great
initiative to create two and a half million jobs
for America ... it's a wonderful plan, the catch
is we all have to move to
China.
Stephen
Colbert, "The Colbert Report", December 3,
2008:
Tonight: the media reacts to
Obama’s cabinet picks. There’s a debate over
whether to shower him with praise — or
adulation.
Bob
Odenkirk, co-creator of HBO's "The
Show":
Now I want him to reconfigure his
goals so they're manageable. I want him to say,
"We have to get rid of poison ivy and phone calls
at dinner." You know, things that are
doable.
Jimmy Kimmel asking people in a
predominantly black barbershop what types of
jokes he can make about Obama, November 23,
2008:
What if I make jokes about him
putting rims on Air Force One? ... Can I make
jokes about him appointing Dr. Dre as Surgeon
General?
From Craig Ferguson on "The Late
Late Show", November 18,
2008:
Everyone is waiting to see what
Barack Obama has planned. We already know his
economic plan. It's designed to help small
businesses that make under $250,000 a year. You
know, like General Motors and
Chrysler.
From "The
Late Show with David Letterman", November 18,
2008:
It's an exciting time in
Washington, Barack Obama is putting his team
together to take over the Administration. And so
far, he’s got his mother-in-law gonna be living
with him, and he's talking about Hillary for
Secretary of State. So you got your
mother-in-law, you got Hillary Clinton — boy,
sounds like smooth sailing to
me!
From "Late Night with Conan
O'Brien":
Oprah Winfrey has said she will not
accept the role of an ambassador to a foreign
country if it were offered to her by Barack
Obama. On the other hand, Obama did announce that
his new Surgeon General is Dr.
Phil.
From "Late Night with Conan
O'Brien":
Some political analysts are saying
the 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show" helped Obama
get elected because it portrayed a black family
in a positive light. They also say Obama would
have been elected 10 years ago if it weren't for
Flavor
Flav.
From "The
Tonight Show with Jay Leno," November 12,
2008:
When they move into the White
House, Barack Obama is gonna be getting a dog for
his daughters. And he was very clear, he was very
strict — he said, "You're gonna have to feed it,
you're gonna have to give it water, and you're
gonna have to clean up after it, do you
understand that?" And Joe Biden said, "Yeah
...."
From "The Late Show with David Letterman," November 6, 2008:
Ladies and gentlemen, Barack
Obama is our new president. And I think I
speak for most Americans when I say, "Anybody
mind if he starts a little
early?"
From "Late Night with Conan
O'Brien," October 27,
2008:
The other day, a guy who played a
game of basketball against Barack Obama said that
Obama spent the whole game "trash talking." He
also said Obama's trash-talking is eloquent,
high-minded and
inspirational.
From "The Tonight
Show with Jay Leno," November 12,
2008:
Obama now says he is open to
offshore oil drilling. Apparently, when he
promised change, he was talking about his
mind.
Comedian Aisha
Tyler, as quoted in The
China Post, July 20,
2008:
He has the
build of an ex-high school javelin thrower. He's
the guy on the track team who only does that one
event, and he weighs the same as the
javelin.
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