Obama's Jokes About Himself

 

From the Kennedy Center Honors, December 4, 2011, discussing the way the honorees creatively expressed themselves:

That's why we dance, even if, as Michelle says, I look silly doing it.

From the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, April 30, 2011:

I think it is fair to say that when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. For example, some people now suggest that I'm too professorial. And I'd like to address that head on, by assigning all of you some reading that will help you draw your own conclusions.

Others say that I'm arrogant. But I've found a really great self-help tool for this: my poll numbers.

From the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, May 1, 2010:

It's been quite a year since I've spoken here last — lots of ups, lots of downs — except for my approval ratings, which have just gone down. But that's politics. It doesn't bother me. Besides, I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth.

This year I've experienced my share of disappointments. For example, I had my heart set on the Nobel Prize — for Physics. But hey, you can't win 'em all.

 

From an appearance on "Late Night with David Letterman," September 21, 2009:

Letterman: When you wake up on a day like this, is this something you relish, or is it something you say, "Oh, for heaven's sakes, I gotta go see Letterman?"

Obama: That was unexpected, seeing that appear on the schedule ... That's one of those where you ask your advisors, "Who's responsible for this?" And everybody kinda looks down, and they pull out their Blackberries .... nobody's accountable.

 

From a commencement speech at Arizona State University (which declined to offer him an honorary degree), March 13, 2009:

Now, in all seriousness, I come here not to dispute the suggestion that I haven't yet achieved enough in my life. First of all, Michelle concurs with that assessment.

 

From the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, May 9, 2009:

I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful, I will be able to complete them in 72 days — and on the 73rd day, I will rest.

During my second hundred days, we will design, build, and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days.

 

From "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," March 20, 2009:

He [basketball-playing presidential assistant Reggie Love] doesn't let me win, because, as he pointed out, "If you lose to Obama, you never hear the end of it."

 

During a White House meeting with Brazilian President Lula da Silva, March 13, 2009:

You know, I would love a trip to the Amazon. I suspect that the Republican Party would love to see me travel through the Amazon and maybe get lost.

 

Alfalfa Club dinner, January 31, 2009

In just the first few weeks, I've had to engage in some of the toughest diplomacy of my life. And that was just to keep my Blackberry.

I finally agreed to limit the number of people who could email me. It's a very exclusive list. How exclusive? Everyone look at the person sitting on your left. Now look at the person sitting on your right. None of you have my email address.  

 

First press conference as president-elect, November 7, 2008

Our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.

 

Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, October 16, 2008

Contrary to the rumors that you've heard, I was not born in a manger ... I was actually born on Krypton, and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the planet Earth.

I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for President.

If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness? It's possible that I'm a little too awesome.

John McCain is onto something ... there was a point in my life when I started paling around with a pretty ugly crowd, I've got to be honest. These guys were serious deadbeats, they were lowlifes, they were unrepentant, no-good punks. That's right: I've been a member of the U.S. Senate.